Of heartbreak and moving on

"Wow, Sarah tak move on lagi ke?"

Wait... Read till the end.

I barely do this.

I'm not going to promote this blog post like I used to do for the previous posts on social media. Why? Whenever I didn't promote it, it means, it's special. Special to those who loves to blogwalking or suddenly want to read my blog or whatever. Sebab dia macam rahsia yang tak perlu dihebahkan tapi it's okay to sit still on my blog without promoting it. Got it? Sounds complicated kan.

Alhamdulillah, I've moved on. Hopefully, it stays. But sometimes, I kinda miss that feelings. Too many feelings and it mixed up! Social media gives a very bad influence, btw. Sometimes, I feel useless and I'm not helping myself. I'm not giving the best cooperation ever with myself because I hurt myself. By.... Well, there's a lot of medium nowadays, so hmm...

Sometimes, I keep questioning the same questions.

"Kenapa aku tak dapat dulu? Kenapa dia boleh dapat?'

"Why am I not getting that kind of attention dulu?"

"Why he can do this and that to her? Dulu, I tak pun."

Well, the answer is simple.

Aku juga yang minta untuk tidak berada dalam situasi tu. For the sake of my dignity.

And whenever I have that kind of thoughts, I keep telling myself,

"Do you really want that kind of attention?"

I love those days, where I'm still single, not falling in love and free from this post-heartbroken phase. But well, bukan semua orang dapat rasa kot benda-benda macam ni. Tetibe rasa, I'm lucky :')))

I can say, the new version of old Sarah has back but you know, of course the scars are still there.

Moving on means I accept the fact that I'm not in the relationship with him anymore and he already replaced me with someone new. I accept that fact and we cannot delete all those memories from our mind. This what moving on is.

Mula-mula dulu, terkilan lah. Sebab we kinda have some agreements. Well, biasanya perempuan je yang ingat semua tu but umm never mind. I'm 21, still young and sweet ;) so, still have long time and long journey to go. Why would I getting worried? Well, I'm not getting worried about jodoh thingy pun.

I can say that love is an addiction too. No wonder why there are some people who did a rebound. They hook up with someone new just to avoid the pain of break up. Because when we are in love, there is a hormone being produced to keep us happy which is Dopamine. Dopamine causes addiction because if we didn't get the same level of Dopamine suddenly (like after the break up), we tend to seek for other things to make us happy, to reach the same level of Dopamine like before. So, it is addicted. Well, you can do some researches on the internet, just Google and you'll find there's a lot of articles about that. Trust me.


Tapi, addiction ni ada cure. Yes, there is! It depends on you how many days, months or years you need. It might take years to heal but it is treatable. Jadi, jangan gunakan alasan, kita dah try tapi tak boleh. Of course, you can! It might take longer time than you expect. Berdoa kepada Allah itu adalah kekuatan yang terbesar. Kerana perasaan ini milik Allah dan hanya akan kembali kepada Allah. Maka, berdoalah. Hati juga Allah yang pegang. Maka, berdoalah. Believe in yourself, you can do it! Jangan bagi alasan. Kalau tak boleh, itu semua atas diri kita sendiri. Kita sendiri yang taknak tolong diri kita.

Anyway, I'm getting better. I'm glad that I can do it, yes of course! but umm, sometimes I miss all the memories. Tapi rasanya kalau perkara tu berterusan sampai sekarang, entahlah. So, thanks to Allah. I learn something from this new experience. It's just 3 months but there are a lot of bittersweet memories. I miss to have the gut instincts towards someone, I miss talking and laughing to him (I admit), I miss writing (love) letters and giving him present and all hahahahaha k abaikan abaikan.

I miss every single things. Rasa kelakar pun ada juga bila after break up, macam banyak perkara berubah hahahaha... Ayoyoyo (ahh lantaklah). See, I think I just miss the moments not the person much, kot? I don't know.

So, yeah. #SarahOK seriously. I'm not broken anymore. I'm here, to tell the world that I'm okay. Just sometimes, I miss the moments. Not because of I didn't move on yet. Already make a move. So, I'm  literally okay and happy girl now, alhamdulillah.

Thanks for reading, dear loyal readers XOXO

P/s: I barely do this, revealing how I feel publicly? So, just want to tell you my thoughts, maybe you wonder how I bear with the pain or did I not miss anything about us or things related to it. I do.u But in order to be happy, I have to let it go. Why do I have to hold on to something that can hurt me again and again? Saya bukan Tuhan, biarlah Allah yang menentukan perjalanan kehidupan kita. Perjalanan kita masih panjang, tiada apa-apa perkara pun boleh menjamin kehidupan seseorang. Have faith and keep praying :)