Me, people and expectations

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Hi all!

It has been a week being a 2nd semester Tamhidi of Medicine student.

2nd semester is quite tough because everyone is competing. But I've told myself before I started my first day, I don't want to compete anymore. Am I give up and lose hope? NOPE. I just want to be myself not the one who feel pressured by others.

So, tonight I'm going to discuss about EXPECTATIONS.

People and expectations cannot be separated.

"Sambung belajar kat mana?"

"USIM, cik."

"Ohh, ambil apa?"

"Saya baru je asasi."

"Asasi apa?"

"Asasi perubatan."

"Wahh, bakal doktor lah ni?"

"Errmm, in shaa Allah cik. Doakan ya."

"Kakak ni memang dari dulu lagi dah terang hati kan. In shaa Allah, boleh sangat tu."

"Haaa bolehlah rawat cikgu nanti. Mana tahu kott2 dapat free ke."

 "Haaa ni bakal doktor pertama dalam keluarga kita ni."

And the conversations go on.

Sometimes, I have to tell them the truth.

"Tapi untuk pursue medic kat USIM ni, ada kuota cik. Ada 80 seats je, kalau tak lepas tulah kena ambil course lain. Acik doakan Sarah ya."

"Kena compete dengan lebih kurang 500++ students sebab dentistry and sc tech pun boleh ambil kalau lepas pointer and 4 core subjects."

Same sentence for every conversations. Get tired. Explaining the same story to different people. 

Why? 

Because they give a very high expectation towards me. Tahu tak, expectation ni dah macam amanah yang aku kena pikul? Takut tau. Yelah, mak ayah pun bagi tahu orang lain yang anak dia ambil Asasi Perubatan. People expect that I'm very clever, intelligent and brilliant. 

Selalu juga aku terfikir, what if I tak pursue in medical field? Maybe they will talk behind me.

"Haritu ye noo lah kata anak ambil medic. Tak jadi doktor pun. Gagal lah tu."

"Lahhh, takde lah pandai sangat anak dia. Nama je SPM 10A."

"Tak lepas pointer? Ermm, tak cukup pandai lah tu."

"Mesti main-main time study ni."

Aku rasa lah. Kita bukan takut sebab expectations orang tapi kita lebih takut dengan apa yang orang akan kata nanti. Kan? The apa-yang-orang-akan-kata tu menyebabkan kita overthinking and eventually killing our self-confidence.

This is what I feel now. Sometimes, I'm so stressful due to the overthinking. My best friend pernah cakap,

"Sarah cuba hang betul2 tanam niat dalam hati aku nak pergi Pandan Indah tapi ya Allah kau lebih tahu apa yang terbaik untuk aku. Jadi Kau aturlah hidupku ini sepertimana yang Engkau suka. I think it's better to just let everything to Him. Sebab if kita asyik meminta tanpa serahkan Dia balik, kita akan rasa memang apa yang kita nak tu kita dapat. Once Allah tak bagi, kita kecewa. Sebab apa? Kita ada doa dan usaha. Part Tawakal tu takde."

My main point here is tawakal part. Yes. Tawakal is the most important thing in our life. Tawakal ni bukan macam kau tutup mata sambil turun tangga. Tu konsep tawakal yang salah. Kenapa ada konsep tawakal dalam hidup seorang Muslim? Allah nak ingatkan kita bahawa not everything that we asked in our life Dia boleh bagi straight and masa yang tepat. No. He knows everything. He knows what's the best for us. Kita hanya mampu merancang namun Allah yang menentukan. Bila kita Tawakal, at least kita redha dengan apa yang Dia bagi instead of wailing 24/7 bila kita tak dapat apa yang kita nak dalam doa. Ya, doa memang senjata Muslim. Namun, Allah lebih berhak ke atas doa kita. 

To those out there,

I just want to tell you that I'm not as clever as you guys thought. But I've made each of your words as a doa. Everyone has their own ability and strength including me. I know my weaknesses. I'll keep fighting for the sake of ummah. I know that to be an Obstetrician and Gynecologist is not easy as I expected. What else I can do if Allah does not allow me to be a great muslimah doctor. If you want me to be a great doctor, please pray for me too. Insert my name in your doa. Sebab doa orang dalam diam in shaa Allah lebih termakbul. 

I'm not giving up. I just want to express my feelings yang telah lama terpendam tapi tak mampu diluahkan. Ini entah post ke berapa cerita pasal nak sangat jadi doktor. Jangan terkejut kalau 10 years later. I post pasal I am an engineer ke pharmacist ke hahahaha.

Still I'm hoping to be a doctor ngeh ngeh. I realize that I live in muka bumi Allah ni pun dengan izin-Nya lagi lah nak minta kat Dia untuk jadi doktor. Siapa kita untuk mengarah dia, memaksa dia mengikut kehendak kita. So, today, I'm redha. What will be, just be. Sebab my uncle too dulu pun offered into medical field but he refused and now dia baru je balik dari Canada sebab syarikat luar negara panggil.

The ibrah here is tak jadi doktor pun boleh berjaya.

Go Sarah go! You can do it!

Allah, I leave everything to You. Aturkanlah hidupku sebagaimana yang Kau suka. 

Full stop.

Thanks for reading, guys! XX

The day after tomorrow

Kulliyyah session will begin on Monday huaarrghhh!

Goshhh, pejam celik pejam celik, dah naik semester 2.

Babe, I have to score almost 4.00 for this semester because of not getting a very good grade in my semester 1. A VERY GOOD GRADE OKAY. I just got only ermm atas pagar FPSK. 

Alhamdulillah. The result proves that I need to put more and more and more and double and triple efforts on my studies. No more lazying or procrastinating or sleeping too much ermm what else? 

Ohh plus, no more laughing at the nerdy. I often laugh at these people because I always think they are lacking of social skills because they spend most of their time only to study and stress when they didn't get a high mark in their tests. What the....

Asyik cakap pasal score, pointer and good grade je kan?

Boring hahahaha. 

Guys, please pray for this young, ambitious, not-too-big girl toughness in order to achieve her vision. 

Pardon my grammatical errors. Who cares? I'm still learning. Hahahaha 

Thanks for reading eveliboddeh XX

My biggest mistake

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh!

Hey guys, whatcha doin'?

Watching tv while surfing internet? 

Eating?

Online shopping? Ahah! That is one of my hobbies. 

Based on my previous post, I'd mention my AZAM BARU for semester 2. And one of it was,

"Being serious but not most of the time."

But then I think, it is not wrong to enjoy when you're still studying but not most of the time. To enjoy is to release stress, kan?

I've discovered the main problem why am I not getting a good grade.

And the problem isssss

I didn't complete the tutorial all the time. Yes, I often did it last minute, very last minute. The tutorial class was about 10 minutes left to start and I still struggling to finish it all hahaha and sometimes I just borrowed my friend's work and pretending like I'd finished my assignment. But then I didn't understand a word what my lecturer explained. Kan dah buang banyak masa?

It's far better for me to complete the tutorial though its hard to be understood (sometimes) rather than bring my friend's into the class and get nothing. Manusia ni asyik nak senang je kat dunia. 

In this case, I've lost two important and precious things,

- The knowledge

- The good grade

From book "How to Become A Successful Medical Student" by Prof. Muhaya

Because I realize, to get a good grade, it's not coming from your last minute study, non-complete tutorial and the like. The first thing to do is to complete the tutorial by hook or by crook and determine your weaknesses. 

Second, I rarely studying during the night. I always sleep early at 9 o'clock but didn't wake up early to study. Padahal kerja sangat banyak. I need to change my bad habit. I've tried many times to sleep early and wake up early but it wasn't successful. 

Yesterday, I was so frustrated, crying heavily because of not getting a best grade. And this supportive girl gave me this,

Allah adalah mengikut sangkaan hamba-Nya.

So, lets think positive!

Thanks for reading! XOXO

Azam semester 2

Result semester 1 dah keluar harini. Alhamdulillah. 

Memandangkan result tu biasa-biasa sahaja, 

Maka jam ni juga saya nak berazam hahahaha. Kenapa baru sekarang? Bukan baru sekarang. Haritu azam semester 1 buat juga tapi ikut pun tak. Huh! Sekarang, nahhh ini makannya. Sebagai seorang pelajar, kita tak boleh nak bermalas-malasan. Nama pun student. Unless kalau kita gifted, tak belajar pun takpe, tak belajar pun boleh score lain ceritalah. Tapi tu pun kena hati-hati juga, whether betul ke tu Gifted or Istidraj? Ahahaha mohon dijauhkan.

Maybe, just maybe,

There is someone would read this even after years I wrote this. No matter what the results may be, life still goes on. No matter what results may be, your life doesn't end here. Wake up!

Result kita merupakan teguran daripada Dia. 

Result kita membuktikan usaha kita. Cara hidup kita yang membentuk result kita. So, result tak okay? There must be something's wrong somewhere. Check balik. Dan yang paling penting, adakah kita menjaga hubungan kita dengan Dia? Dengan parents? Dengan rakan-rakan di sekeliling? Hatta dengan haiwan mahupun alam sekitar? Mereka itu semua makhluk Allah. 

Tak kisahlah result rendah result tinggi ke, still ianya merupakan teguran daripada Dia untuk kita. Dan jangan pernah menganggap result rendah maka kita akan gagal. Jadikan result kita sebagai cabaran untuk diri kita. Anggap result yang kita terima itu sebagai permulaan kepada kejayaan kita. Better late than never. Lihat rakan-rakan kita yang berjaya? How's their lifestyle? How they study? How hardworking they are! 

So, here it is my azam for semester 2.

I write this on my blog so I can read it anytime and anywhere. Buku boleh hilang, tapi website in shaa Allah tak hahaha.

• Being able to say no
• Do not procrastinate! *Yes, procrastination is the thief of time, I know. But I don't know why I love to procrastinate. I have to change my bad habit.*
• Being serious but not most of the time *Because I love to enjoy. This is based on my observation. I went out here and there. I spent lots of money on things that waste my time. So, I've lost two things. My grades and my money.*
• I have to be quite diligent when studying
• Preview and review notes
• Focus on the lectures
• Summarize the day's lecture at the end of my notes

That's all. Semoga semester 2 lebih baik berbanding semester 1. 

No more hang-out, hang-out. 

Thanks for reading!

But this is not for y'all, it's for me hehe.

Life lesson

Never tell the whole truth. Nobody wants to hear it.


And, don't be too nice to people because they are going to take you for granted.

Mom

Had a conversation with ibu while watching Anugerah Skrin 2015.

Suddenly,

Ibu: Kejap je kau dah nak naik semester 2.

Me: Ermmm.. Eh, harini berapa hari bulan? *pretend to forget*

Ibu, you make me cry lah T.T

I know she's sad because I'm gonna leaving her. Maybe, she feels lonely, I mean yeah she has no one to chat with instead of my father and my 4-year-old sister.

I love to make some silly jokes with my mom.
I have 4 siblings and 3 of us are staying in the hostel.

Hmmmm.. This is the reason why I love to go home every weekend. Just because of my parents. I know they miss their daughters so much though they don't express their feelings. I think all parents have the same feelings towards their children. I am grateful because my home is near to my college. Thanks Allah! I am happy.

Satisfaction

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh!

Hi all!

Today is 2nd November 2015.

I still remember, last year I was a SPM candidate.

I sat for the exam on 3rd November 2014. Yeah, the memory is still fresh.

How time flies! It has been a year I sat for the first day of exam. 

If I were asked,

"Do you want to sit for the SPM again?"

Guess what would be my answer?

OF COURSE, NOT! 

hahahahaha

No, not even once. 

Why? I don't know. Maybe I was satisfied with my efforts last year. Though, I didn't get straight A's but seeing my parents was so happy with my results, then the pain was relieved. Yes, the pain in struggling to get all A's and the pain after knowing that I wasn't one of the straight A's students. 

That's the best for me.

Eventually, I manage to get 2 scholarships (but I rejected the offers since my interest isn't in that offered field)*you can refer to my previous posts if you really wanna know*.

I am interested to do medicine, so I accepted the UPU offer.

Well, maybe you guys think that I am crazy. Why don't I grab the chance? Why I accepted the UPU offer instead of the two scholarships offered? Why?

If you don't have the passion to do that field, just leave. But first, perform the Istikharah prayer. Ask Allah which one is the best for you? Which offer that makes you feel close to Allah? Will your parents redha with your decision? Follow your first gut instincts. If you feel something's wrong, it usually is. Then, If you are still get confused, discuss it with your parents. 

That is what I did when I get deadlocked to decide.

And alhamdulillah, Allah put me in USIM.

I could go home every week. That is one of the advantages. Hee~

Alhamdulillah.

Thanks for reading!