Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Heartless

It's not easy to not feel inferior towards others. I feel like, everybody is superior than me even if they thought I'm superior than them but no. I never feel like that. Whatever I do, whatever I say, I don't feel like I deserve it.

I keep comparing myself with others. Even in small things,

"Dia pandai kot, tak payah lah explain lebih-lebih kat dia."

"Dia baik, hati baik, rupa pun ada, memang takyah lah nak banding dengan aku."

"Aku ni macam langit dengan bumi je kalau compare dengan dia."

"Kenapa aku ada kat sini?"

"Aku layak ke nak ada kat sini?"

"Kenapa aku?"

"There's nothing good in me."



and many more..........


and finally, feeling wanna give up but giving up isn't the best option.
Then, suffering all the time?


Insecurity.
Exactly.


I thought, I need someone to support me through all my tough time,
but in the end,
I need to stand on my own feet too.
I don't deserve all this. When I said all, I mean ALL things in this world.
Intelligence, kindness, love, beauty, encouragement, confidence and all.


Entahlah. Sampai rasa macam, kalau tak layak, I better undur diri and things will get better kot? At least, for some people. Even though I don't feel it's good for me but well, at least for some people. Please, never take someone for granted. They have their own life. Don't mess their life. Let them live, peacefully. If you don't feel like to live with them, don't pick. Much easier.

Mode: Heartless. Can't feel anything anymore.





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