Bercampur-baur

Saya betul-betul berada dalam fasa,

Saya mahu meluahkan semuanya yang terbuku di dalam hati...

Saya sedih,

Saya tak kuat,

Saya tak bersedia,

Saya penat,

Terlalu penat,

Saya mahukan rehat.

Saya benci,

Orang yang mengatakan,

"Alah, macam kau sorang je penat"

Ada saya downgrade awak punya kepenatan?

I am really exhausted.

Bulan 10 nak final semester exam.

End of October pun ada final professional exam.

2 exam besar!!!!

I don't think I am ready enough for it.

But I have to grad this year! I have to, no matter what.

Konon-kononnya join kuiz next week supaya jadi booster untuk study but somehow there are so many distractions along the way and I am exhausted :(

I just want an attention. I want a long hug. I want a reassurance. A pure and sincerest reassurance. I am really not okay with my current situation. I know some are facing it too.

With my current family problems (bukan masalah kepincangan), I am sad too. To the point, I don't like going to hospital. I feel really exhausted. I don't know how many times I've mentioned that I am exhausted already haha. I can't put it aside though some people said, "alah Sarah, takpayah fikir"

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE ME!!!! You're not in my shoes. I really pray supaya takde siapa berada di dalam kasut saya :( Being an eldest, the useless and hopeless person, is the last thing that I want in my life. I really feel I am useless and hopeless. Nothing I can do to help my family rather than prayers.

But alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah, Allah's help is always the greatest :'( somehow, He make it easy for me... Walaupun sudah bergelen-gelen air mataku jatuh...

To the extend sekarang, rasa cepat nak marah, cepat nak merajuk, malas nak faham keadaan orang, rasa cepat nak sedih bila orang tak faham kita, rasa cepat nak sedih bila orang tak bagi perhatian. Semuanya sebab saya hanyalah penat dan saya memerlukan semua yang telah saya sebut di atas :(

I am so sensitive right now.

Orang kata, kebahagiaan itu kena datang dari dalam diri kita bukan mencari dari sumber lain. Tapi, saya sendiri sedang tidak bahagia dengan keadaan saya sekarang :'( ohhh I am really sad and exhausted. I just want a rest. Boleh ke nak grad ni? 😢

Oh Allah, please make it easy for me...