Coretan rawak sebelum final pro

Baru sat tadi ada sorang member tanya,

"Kau pernah tak ada satu masa mental breakdown kejap time exam?"

"Do you mean, macam tiba-tiba kau menangis, rasa murung kejap then tak buat apa-apa satu hari tu ke?"

"Haah."

"Mestilah pernah."

"Kau dah sampai ke fasa tu this time?"

"Untuk minggu ni, belum lagi. EOP haritu dah lah."

I thought, I was alone having a mental breakdown sometimes T.T normal je rupanya to have that feeling. Baru kata kat dia, I'm okay, takde mental breakdown lagi.

Tapi tiber cam nak masuk dah je fasa tu. Fuhhh, remember this day, Sarah. Remember this day. It's not easy but it's bearable. You can do it, Sarah. Though the lecturers said,

"You pass with Allah's will. If He doesn't allow you to pass, you won't. If He allows you to pass, you will. Whatever it is, if you have to repeat or sit for supplementary exam, it's not bad. Tak teruk pun. It's okay."

Deeeeeeeeeeeep down in my heart, of course I want to pass with one shot only. Grad on time and all. But I am powerless, I can't control that thing. Sebab pernah ada pengalaman, I rasa I dapat je jawab, smoothly. But ended up, my grade wasn't that great. So, since that day, I learn to not be over-confident on anything. I learn to not have an easy feeling on something. Because I'm preparing myself for the worst.

Tapi I tak tahu benda tu baik ke tak untuk I. Ya Allah, please ease me. Ease me. Ease me. Ease us 😢🤧

I have waited for 7 years. Seven years, isn't a short period. 7 years jika dibandingkan dengan kehidupan rakan-rakan sebaya saya, kebanyakannya sudah pun bekerja, mempunyai simpanan. Some already bought some assets, liability pun tak kurang juga. Some dah tunang, kahwin, ada anak. Sometimes, the thought I rasa I'm left out pun ada. But I knowwww, I know, hidup kita bukan berpaksikan kepada pencapaian orang. I knowwww, hidup kita tak boleh dibandingkan dengan orang lain even our own siblings pun. Tipulah weh perasaan-perasaan tu tak datang singgah di hati di kala umur mencecah 25 tahun ni.

Tapi yelah, perjalanan pun masih jauh. We still can get married at 40. Being married bukan pencapaian terbesar juga pun. I still can buy a car at 30. Or even at 50 or whenever I can. Hidup ini bukan perlumbaan. Ya Allah, tambahkan rasa syukur dalam hatiku.

Being a jobless, moneyless person ni, nampak lah siapa yang ada dengan kita, siapa yang hilang. Gitulah hidup kan. Bila kau takde duit, takde sape nak kawan dengan kau. Sebab kau tak berduit huhuhu. Takpo lah.

Okay, exam Sarah, exam!!!! Remember this dayyy!!!!