20 and marriage?

Wait, before I go straight to my point, you guys don't misunderstood pula...

"OMG, Sarah nak kahwin dah ke?"

Sila gelak beramai-ramai... Ready pun tak, memang tak lah. Banyak benda tak lengkap lagi. I think, it's only 10-20 out of 100. Or might be less than 10. Goshhhh! Sila kuburkan impian untuk mempunyai buah hati, dear Sarah hahahahahahaha.

I've been thinking about this for days.... Lebih-lebih lagi bila mengenangkan yang umur ni nak masuk 20 tahun ni. What?! I'm still young, 20 is too old because of the number 2 in front. Lol.

Last week, my friends and I were watching movie. And in that movie, there's a dialog,

"I'm sorry son. I can't go home yet."

Long story short, his son asked him whether he will be coming home or not and that dialog was the answer for his question. And suddenly, I came up with this thought,

"OMG, satu hari nanti kita mesti akan cakap dialog macam ni kan kat anak kita? Sobs..."

(Since we're going to be a doctor in shaa Allah, it will be super busy kan T.T)

And one of my friends replied,

"Ya weh.. Akan datang kan, kita akan jadi spoiler kepada anak-anak kita.. Yelah, sekarang kita hidup di zaman mak ayah yang garang dan tegas. Bila kita jadi parents nanti, kita pulak yang spoil kan anak."

Masing-masing pun terdiam lalu berhuhuhuhuhu...

Well, ada benarnya. But I think, I still want to be a strict parents, no matter what! Lol.

Aku rasa mak-mak sangat bila discuss pasal benda ni. But I have to spit it out because benda-benda macam ni keep popping in my mind like all timeeeeee. Aku banyak belajar melalui pemerhatian. I observe and I learn. I ask and I learn. My mom is the best teacher ever. I ask a lot of things to her. Yelah, dia paling banyak makan garam compared to me kan? She always lah nagging about you know, that anak-dara-suppose-to-do-and-know thing? I admit, I'm not ready at all!

Macam aku banyak lah terfikir, since I'm going to be a doctor one day, you know doctor kan busy, on-call, case banyak and then tak dapat nak balik. I've been following some doctors life through Instagram, maybe not their entire life but I can see they are hectic and their struggle is real.

Re-scheduling like always.

Siap ada planner.

Me? Zzzzzz with the planner thing.

Janji dengan anak nak balik malam ni tapi tak dapat sebab ada sudden case.

Terus aku rasa macam, omg sedihnya T.T

And then, kau dah lah busy, rumah kurang terurus, anak agak terabai, here, time management plays role! I'm really bad in this T.T (cry a river). Bila kau penat, kau boleh sabar ke nak layan anak? Nak layan suami? Nak kemas rumah? Nak urus rumah? Omg! Feeling so mak mak (okay, stop it!).

Lepastu, aku banyak lah tertengok video about parenting. Ramai orang single, nak kahwin sebab dorang rasa kahwin tu best. Tapi ramai juga orang yang dah kahwin, nak jadi single balik. Sebab bila dah kahwin, lebih-lebih lagi bila dah ada anak, kita banyak kena sacrifice kan kemahuan kita hanya untuk anak. Like, kalau single, ada duit gaji lebih, mungkin kau boleh nak shopping handbag, shoes, clothes, makeup, tudungssss and all things!

Tapi bila ada anak? Duit banyak pergi ke anak.

We need to sacrifice.

Lepastu, mak aku pernah cakap macam ni,

"Kebanyakan ibu muda sekarang, kurang sabar. Sebab tu banyak kes penderaan."

I find that to Sabar is so hard. You admit? Cuba bayangkan eh, one day, kita balik kerja dah penat, anak menangis, kita pujuk semua cara, semua tak kena. Agak-agak kita boleh sabar tak?

Aku banyak kali terfikir pasal benda ni! Aku boleh handle ke? Memanglah orang kata, kalau sayang, semua boleh. Tapi kalau iman time senipis kulit bawang? Kita jamin ke? I don't think so. That's why aku kata aku belum ready sebab aku belum sepenuhnya didik kesabaran dalam diri.

It's hard! Pastu, belum lagi part suami? Yang ni, nanti-nantilah fikir. Tapi yang paling penting is memasak. HAHAHAHAHA...

One day, we'll be living in our own house a.k.a home. I mean, a new family. Adakah kita mampu untuk mengekalkan kebersihan, kecantikan dan keselamatan rumah kita? Hahahahaha (amekaw 3K), I know this sounds funny but trust me, we need to think of this! Kan kita selalu dengar, home sweet home. Kalau rumah macam tongkang pecah? Orang semua duk perati je bila datang rumah kita.

Sebab rumah ni, macam first impression juga lah. Nak tahu orang, tengok rumah. Bersepah ke kemas ke? Sebab bagaimana rumah kita, itulah gambaran terhadap diri kita. Macam aku pernah cakap dulu, nak tengok orang tu kemas ke tak, tengok tempat-tempat peribadi dia. Macam meja study, almari, bilik tidur?

I don't want to be a spoiler to my future kids...

Well, feeling so mak mak again.

One more thing, aku selalu terfikir. Bila dah kahwin, adakah kita mampu untuk mencintai our spouse for the rest of our life? Will we survive through up and down? Will we support and motivate to each other for every second of our life? You know that thing...

Trust, love, commitment, well banyak lagi sebenarnya.

Like my mom said,

"Perempuan diuji bila lelaki itu tidak mempunyai apa-apa. Lelaki diuji bila dia mempunyai segala-galanya."

Sounds scary.

Kita selalu nampak kebahagiaan orang tapi kita selalu juga lupa di sebalik kebahagiaan mereka, pasti ada kesusahan dan cabaran yang telah mereka tempuhi bersama.

Banyak lagi persoalan aku tapi cukuplah setakat ni.

Semakin dewasa ni, semakin banyak perkara yang perlu kita fikir.

TAK NAK JADI DEWASA!

I'm not overthinking pun cuma thoughts tu banyak kali popping in my head.

Nak nak umur kita sekarang macam dah boleh melayakkan kita untuk kahwin lah (konon-kononnya).

I promise to myself to take care of myself from all the things yang Allah tak redha.

Semoga kita sentiasa berada di jalan yang benar.

Remember, bila Allah datangkan rasa resah dan gelisah ketika melakukan sesuatu, there is always something wrong with that.

Kerana dosa, tidak pernah mendatangkan kebahagiaan.