8 hari kemudian...

8 days after 28 August.

It feels like last year we broke up.

Is that good or bad, honestly?

Entah.

I'm aware I'm in the anger stage of grief.

I'm so mad at him.

But I don't think it's anyone's fault?

I'm still sad but bearable.

Tak pasti sama ada kerana saya sudah pernah merasa perasaan yang sama ini 4 tahun yang lalu?

That's why perasaan saya seperti dah setahun kitorang putus.

Allah yang kurniakan kekuatan ini.

Saya tahu perasaan ini akan ada naik dan turunnya.

Hari ini saya rasa, saya okay.

Tapi belum tentu minggu depan? Bulan depan? 2 bulan lagi? 6 bulan? Wallahua'lam.

Satu tahun yang penuh dengan memori indah (?)

Every time nak bersedih, I always try to think,

"Dear self, you've spent 4 years to open up your heart to someone, you've spent 4 years to get up again, to learn and love yourself again, takkan disebabkan "happiness" yang baru setahun ni, you nak give up again?"

I've put a lot of effort into defining myself, kan. So, why bother? Why bother? Wahhh gitu.

Walau bagaimanapun, saya harap, tiada dendam antara saya dan dia. Though sometimes, I really hope that all this is only a dream. Not a reality but it's not.

Tak pasti sama ada ini adalah kebaikan atau keburukan? I still can't find any answer/ petunjuk from Him. I hope one day, I will. Well, why should've I worried about it when it's already written in the Lauh Mahfudz, right? Astaghfirullahalazim. Semoga Allah kurniakan keredhaan-Nya dalam hatiku atas segala apapun yang terjadi. He knows what I need, not what I want.

But I feel bad for being sad because my mom's instinct is so strong. She can feel the sadness although I didn't tell her anything. I'm sorry, ibu that you also have to be involved with my sadness for a second time.

I can't promise you, ibu that there won't be a 3rd time but let's pray that it won't. Amiinn.

To you,

I hope you are doing really fine.

I miss you.

A lot.

I don't know what you are going through right now,

I wish I could be there for you too.

You said,

We could be friends again.

But why,

We're acting like we're enemies?

Take care.

Salam sayang dari Temerloh.